I finally feel alive again.

I have been off of my meds for almost a month now and I feel AMAZING. Sure, I’ve had to really focus on my moods when I get overtired stressed, but I would much rather have to gauge my moods like a normal person than have crazy side effects from medicine that obviously wasn’t helping.

Everything is better now.

I’m way more positive than I had been. I don’t feel as bloated and I’m nowhere near as hungry as I was the last few months. It’s crazy the habits that you fall into without even realizing it, I had to actually remind myself that I didn’t have to eat every 1-2 hours but instead could go meal-to-meal and be fine!

Vacation was amazing. Two weeks driving out west with my mom and sister really did me some good. It was incredible to see things like Pike’s Peak and the Grand Canyon, and I had the best time with my girlfriends in San Diego celebrating their graduation. It really helped me to realize what I wanted in life, what I needed and what I was able to let go of. I’m working on doing just that.

Liana is “living” with me for a few months, and I’m pretty stoked about it. We’ve been eating healthy and working out, I really want to lose the weight that I’ve packed on since the car accidents. My first goal is 180, then I’d really like to be down to 165-170. But I’m not setting a time frame for my goal, because sometimes, goals take time. They take healing and strengthening. I’m not limiting myself anyone, but instead, I’m pushing myself. I don’t know where this motivation and determination has come from, but I’ll take it.

I am finally starting to feel better about myself again, and I’m so glad. The negativity was really bringing me down.

I was updating my LinkedIn profile today and began skimming other classmates. I realize how much some people do compared to how little I feel like I’ve done. But I know that I am a well-rounded person who is talented in my own way, and I try to remember that. I’m really hoping for a job with Pioneer after I graduate, but I need to get ahold of my cousin to talk about a position/opportunity there. I’d also love to work at KSDK (yes, I’d even be willing to stay in the STL area!). I’m going to apply for an internship there for the fall (crossed fingers and prayers are appreciated!)…I would really love to work there. Plus it would keep me close to home, which is even better. Although, I long to get away. If I don’t get a job right out of college, I’ve already decided that I will spend a few months in Philadelphia with Sara, just working and saving money.

Which is a lot of what I’m planning on doing this summer. Eating healthy, working out, spending time with family and friends, going to Six Flags and the pool, working and enjoying life. I need this.

Let’s do this, Summer 2012 ❤

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