Seriously. I can’t remember anything. I can remember basic things, like how an intimate conversation went or how to work the register at work. But as far as big, important things, like remembering to drop my summer class and apply for graduation? Yeah, nope.
My mind has been everywhere and nowhere lately. I thought it was just me, but even mom has said she gets hazy and can’t remember things. Now, there is a 33 year age difference between us and so I should definitely be able to remember much more than she can. But ever since the accident, I haven’t been able to retain or remember much of anything. When I first got the concussion, sites I found and doctors I talked to said that I should only be experiencing those types of memory problems for 3-6 months. However, it’s been nearly two years since the accident and I still haven’t gotten any better with remembering things, like calling to make an eye doctor appointment or check on an insurance bill.
It’s like I block out the most important things. I make lists, but half the time I lose those or don’t remember to look at them. This mental block just bothers and saddens me so much. I don’t like when people blame their circumstances, and so I try not to blame the accident for things like putting on weight because I messed up my knee or for not being able to remember anything after the concussion, but when I didn’t have these problems before, it’s hard not to blame the accident for how things are now.
I think the worst part of everything, is knowing how I can be. I know my potential. I know what my memory ability was and how my workouts use to be. And now, now I’m comparing how they use to be to how they are now, which is nothing in comparison and it bums me out.
I know that I can’t go back to that day and change the things that happened, and I know some things may never go back to the way that they were before the accident. So right now, I’m just trying to keep my head where it belongs and build back up to workout the best I can to drop weight. It isn’t easy. In fact, it’s never been so hard. But I know I can do it. I have to.