I don’t know what my deal has been these last few days, but I’m real sick of it. I have NO patience. And very little motivation.
Mom and I spent a few hours together today, but of course got into over piddly shit. I don’t understand why every time we’re together, we argue. It’s just dumb. Then, I tried trimming the dining room wall and just got so frustrated. I feel like this is the longest lasting paint job, ever. It was suppose to be easy…WHY WASN’T THIS EASY!? UGH. I’m definitely staying another year after all this troublesome work. Why not, I mean, I have no place else to be, anyway.
I’m just so tired of mundane days.
And my heart is racing. And it aches. How it can be doing both at once, I have no idea, but it is. I want to scream and cry and curse. I want to tell people how much they’ve hurt me and how much I hate them. I want to be so rude and so mean and so mad. But I can’t. I won’t. I have accepted the fact that people just move on, and sometimes, you don’t get to know the reason why. Even if you deserve to.
I’m trying to change and be a better person. I’m trying to be the person I know I am. Not this impatient, rude, frustrated waste-of-space. I’m trying. My God, am I trying.