Oh hey August, how did you get here so quickly?

It’s August 4th already. The time is flying by and in just three short weeks, I will be on my way to finishing up my final undergrad semester. I’m ready for it. I’m ready for a distraction. I’m ready to be busy again.

Apparently the reason I haven’t worked in weeks is because they transferred me to the wrong store. Thanks Victoria’s Secret. While I needed a break, I need the money. I have a sum of maybe $15 in both bank accounts, bills that are due and a rent check out for $700 that the money hasn’t been deposited for yet. But you know what? I’m trusting God. And as hard as that is to say, as I have very little trust in anyone, I know that I can trust Him. I know He is there for me. I have been provided for time and time again.

I have food in my pantry and fridge, enough gas to get me around for a few days and the best support system a girl could ask for. Honestly, I’m doing pretty great compared to a lot of people.

After these last few weeks of being lazy and relaxed, but also working out and getting things accomplished, I am so ready to get back to work. VS should be able to give me enough hours this semester and so it will be worth keeping. Plus, I’m close enough to this store that it isn’t a big deal to work later hours. I’m worried about my classes, as I’ve heard some of them are really difficult and time consuming, especially having to intern for 15-20 hours a week on top of them and homework and work. But I know I can do it. I always have made it through and I will again.

I’ve yet to decide what I’m doing after graduation. I’ve yet to decide if I’m sticking around another year or high-tailing it out of state. I wish I had more plans and more stability in my life. Maybe someday, yeah? For right now, I’m going to have to continue having trust and faith that things will work out and come through. I’ve never been very good at either, but I’m working on it.

I’m such a worrier. My mother told me just last week that I was “too uptight”. I, of course, denied it. But she’s right. I’m so uptight. I worry about things that I can’t control and when they work themselves out, I’m not thankful enough. I have this guard up that no one can break through and I think that it keeps me safe from others seeing how I feel, or who I am. But it doesn’t. It doesn’t keep me hidden. It doesn’t protect my heart from hurt and pain and disappointment.

There are going to disappointments and hurt in this life, and I know that. But that’s life. And feeling that hurt? It just means you’re alive and human.

 

“Never be ashamed of the scars that life left you. A scar means the hurt’s over, the wound’s closed, you endured the pain and God healed you.” – @prvrbs31_woman

Philippians 4: 8-13

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