I am a morning person, in every sense of the term. I’m the up-at-4am-to-workout type. The half-my-day-is-complete by 8am person. I love mornings. I thrive in the morning. I am productive, alert and awake as a large portion of the world still lies sleeping. And I love it.
But lately, for whatever the reason, I haven’t been able to get up that early. Recently, I’ve found myself sleeping until 8, 9, 10…even 11am. WHO AM I?
I am worn down. I am depressed. I am heartbroken.
And those things make you sleepy. Those things make you want to stay in bed until 11am, if not all day. Those things make sleeping in later more acceptable, more excusable.
I don’t like it, but it’s the reality of where I am at in my life right now. This season that I’m in is the most painful I’ve ever experienced, but I can only hold onto the hope that that means whatever is coming, is going to be so beautiful that it makes everything I am going through more than worthwhile.
I am holding onto the promises that Jesus will never leave my side, no matter what. And I am asking him to reveal the beauty of this season in my life.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9 (NIV)
Keep Holding On
So I’m holding onto those things. And while I am, I’m making the best of everyday and everything that comes my way. It isn’t easy, but it’s what I have to do.
Life isn’t bad. Life is really, REALLY good. It just isn’t always easy to see the good when you are drowning in the bad, when the negative has you so overwhelmed that you can’t remember the wonderfulness that your days normally are.
Thankfully, I have the most supportive family and friends that I can count on no matter what. They encourage, uplift and inspire me every single day, and I cannot thank them enough for not allowing me to wallow in myself during this hard time.
Yesterday, as I shuffled into the kitchen at 9am, dad asked how I was. I replied, “Well, I slept much later than I wanted to.” He looked at me and said, “That’s okay, it happens.” In that moment, something hit me. I realized that…IT’S OKAY. It’s all okay. It may be hard and it may be a daily struggle that I am dealing with, but it truly is okay. What a freeing realization.
Right Here, Right Now
Just because one day is bad doesn’t mean that they all will be. So I stopped and I brought myself into the moment. I reminded myself that I won’t always be able to sleep until 9am on a Monday or spend the day talking to my parents, so I vowed to be appreciative of where I was in that moment and thankful for what I was able to do.
I started the coffee pot, went back to my room, put on my workout clothes and made myself go for a short run. It was hot and humid, my legs were slightly sore from running the day before and I didn’t go as far as I used to run, but I did it. I took the first steps to getting back to who I was before all of this took me down a few months ago. When I got back to the house, I made breakfast and settled onto the front porch with my journal and devotions. I laid in the pool, packed my things and headed to the gym for a workout before I met a friend for coffee and made my way downtown to watch the FIFA World Cup match with other friends.
As I sat on the floor in Lauren’s room last night, reminiscing and laughing, I was reminded of how beautiful life and friendship truly is. I was overwhelmed by the blessing of being able to have days such as this one and I was reminded that life is good; Life is really, REALLY good.