Oh July, where did you go?

July? What am I talking about, where did the other six months of this year go?

Life in General

I’ve been back from Europe for nearly five months now. I’m still jobless (though to be completely honest, my hunt has been lacking – there’s not much in St. Louis that I feel competent enough to do, and I haven’t heard back from any of the jobs I have applied for, therefore, the search just leads to being depressed and wanting to binge on gluten-free cacao chip cookies while taking breaks between sob sessions).

So I’ve been spending my days working out, laying out and trying to figure out my life. I have no real direction, and while that slightly scares me, I have an incredible peace about it. I know that peace only comes from the Lord, and I’m incredibly thankful to know that He is the one directing my life and that He has a plan for me, though I still have no idea what that may be.

Living at home has proven to be just as stressful as I assumed it would be, as there are way too many people under this roof. On top of that, my mother thinks I’m just out to make her miserable. I don’t smile enough or talk enough (and when I do, she says it’s sarcastic or disrespectful), I don’t wipe down the counters sufficiently (but, let’s not forget the fact that I do all the cooking, dish-washing and I do wipe down the counters), I don’t do this or that when I should or shouldn’t. Aren’t our relationship with our parents supposed to get better as we get older? Somewhere between high school and college we started losing the close relationship we had, and we’ve yet to be able to figure out how to get it back. I don’t know how to change any of this. I work on it and it seems like things are going well, then she goes off on me again. I’m not saying it’s completely her mood swings, but it can’t always be me (which she seems to think it is, though everyone else in the house can attest to it being her, as she gets this way with nearly everyone). Sorry for the rant, it just happened again, so it’s fresh on my mind. I love my mom, I honestly do. She has always provided for me, even when she had to go without to do it. I just wish I knew how to “fix” this. Any advice?

Workouts and Diet

My workouts have been intense lately. I was lifting heavy with less reps for quite awhile, but have joined a group of girls on Facebook who are creating workouts that are both challenging and really switching it up with the lighter lifts and higher reps. I love it though, and can already tell a huge difference just in the first week.

My diet is pretty much the same from day-to-day: protein, veggies, fruit, healthy fats. I eat a lot of the same things, but try to switch it up here and there, since I don’t want my body getting used to any one things. It’s hard when you’ve cut nearly everything out of your diet (I’ve been eating gluten, dairy, egg, corn and shrimp free). It’s actually been going really well. For those of you who think you could never cut all that out, I assure you that it gets easier with practice. When you feel so miserable whenever you eat any of that stuff, cutting it out is the most rewarding option. Plus, all that clean eating really helps with the cutting weight and healthy lifestyle.

I’ve also signed up to be a Beachbody Coach. I’m loving it so far! Although I’m still trying to get my follower count up. So if you’re interested, follow along on my journey through Facebook, Instagram and WordPress! Oops, nothing like a little self-advertising on my own blog, right? Haha.

Love Life

….what’s that?

I attempted this chat app. Which I suppose is a lot like online dating. And it sucks. One guy pretty much catfished me (really funny, now that I look back on it — I didn’t even know what that was until I started talking to a person on that app and they told me to Google it). I went to the Blake Shelton with another guy on Friday night. Talk about awkward. The drunk older women in front of us made a big deal about this “first date”, but by the end of it, two of them pulled me aside at separate times to advise me not to go on a second date with him. I had already planned not doing so before we even got to the concert, as I had “friend-zoned” him about three weeks ago. This probably makes me sound like a douche, but I really just wanted to see Blake Shelton, and figured it was as good of time as any to give this guy a chance. Thank goodness for the concert and the hilarious entertainment around me, otherwise I would have been miserable. After the concert, I met up with another guy I met on the app (who happened to know people I know, so it wasn’t quite as awkward). We sat outside by a fire for a few hours just chatting, and I thought it went fairly well, but I haven’t really heard from him since. So, guess that’s already finished.

I realize now why I have never liked the concept of dating. It’s awkward and uncomfortable and disappointing. But, at least now I can say I gave it a go, right?

Adios

I’m fairly sure that’s all the news I have at the moment. I’m sure there’s more that I will think of as soon as I post this, but oh well. I’m going to try to post more frequently, as every few months really isn’t enough.

I’m off to finish grilling dinner (we ran out of propane, so dad had to run to the gas station) and then stuff my face. When all else fails, my love of food does not.

Happy Sunday, loves! xx

How fickle my heart, how woozy my eyes.

I’ve been in this funk lately and up until today, it didn’t really hit me as of why. I’m friggin’ PMSing! Man, sometimes I hate being a woman (ha, did y’all see what I did there?).

Today sucked. Not just a little bit, but a whole lot. My workout at 6:30am was wonderful, then I took a nice shower and drank a protein smoothie before heading off to work. And that’s when it started. I was sitting at the computer trying to work on blogs and SEO projects when I couldn’t concentrate. I became drowsy and lethargic. Which was quite opposite of the runners high I had been having all morning.

I went to lunch with a friend (I didn’t eat anything though, Five Guys and a diet don’t work well together), then came back and tried getting back to work. By 2:30, I knew that if I didn’t leave, I’d be a hot mess in the middle of the office. So, I trudged home and took a nap (mind you, in the meantime I got an email from the apartment office saying I was missing $25 from my rent and also, someone didn’t leave the money they owed me for other bills). So, I was tired, pissy and overwhelmed. In fact, I was in tears.

A little nap, a change of clothes and some dinner later, I was off for Happy Hour drinks with the lunch friend. Surely this would bolster my mood!… Nope. Not even a Tequila Sunrise and four toasted raviolis (because this is STL!) could help what I was feeling. All it did was make me think about how fat I was and how I was never going to lose weight with these little “cheats” all the time.

So, here I lay on the couch, blogging about how pathetic I am after realizing I’m being a completely and ridiculously emotional girl. And I wonder why I’m single??

Which brings me to another topic. BOYS. Immature boys. Boys who lead you on and flirt with every other girl on the internet, boys who don’t pay you any attention when you walk into a room, and boys that you gave nearly everything to before they chose to walk out of your life without so much as a goodbye. And people have to wonder why I never want to get married??

I just want someone to love me as unconditionally as I love them. Is that really too much to ask? To find someone who can handle me at my worst PMSing moments and still think I’m incredible?

Friday!

Mmm, there’s nothing like a great Friday to get you in a good-timin’ mood!

Plus, I don’t have to work tonight or tomorrow (yay for weeks off!!). After my internship, I’m going for a run at the gym (believe me, after all the brownies I had today, I need it!). Then, showering and heading to the casino for dinner, drink and gambling with mom and the girls. It’s going to be a blast.

Tomorrow, after a morning workout, I plan on spending alllll day relaxing by the pool with my girlfriends. Sun on our skin and drinks in our hands! Then, it’s off to Side Pockets for fun and drinks. I need a relaxing weekend. Sunday will be my cleaning the apartment/recovery day.

SO EXCITE!!