My life, my choice.

I’ve been looking at graduate schools for a few months now, as graduation is quickly approaching at the end of the year. Today, I told my mom that I was looking into Webster Graduate School London. It didn’t take but two seconds before she began shooting down reasons that I shouldn’t go – I have a job offer here, I can take my master’s courses at Lindenwood for less than other schools, I don’t have to go into grad schools right away because other people settle into a job first and do it as they have time, she told me it was a bad decision to go to MSU first and knew I regretted it like I would regret having more financial debt after grad school – the list was endless.

It broke my heart. I understand her small-town contentment, but that’s not me. I am made for so much more, and I know it. But how do you get to more when you’re main source of support is dragging you down?

I have thought ten times over about grad school at LU and the job I’ve been offered after my internship is completed, I am thankful that these opportunities are at my disposal. But what if they’re not enough? What if I want to go somewhere new and experience things I have only ever dreamt of? I have had a desire to be in London for years. If I can get a Master’s in my field in London, for the same price I would pay out-of-state at any other university in the US, why wouldn’t I take that route? Why wouldn’t I do something I have always wanted to do? Why shouldn’t I?

I envy people who have had their undergraduate school paid for, as I will have an incredible amount of debt coming out. I didn’t know half the things I know now, and if I could go back and apply for more, I would. But I can’t. So I plan to do whatever it takes to see if I can get funding for grad school. Particularly, grad school in London.

This is what I want.
This is my choice.
This is my time.

Saturdays by the sea.

If only I was sitting by the sea. Somewhere on the coast where there isn’t a care in the world. Feeling the breeze blushing my face and hearing the sound of seagulls in the distance is something I can close my eyes and sense, even when I’m nearly 2,000 miles away from the west coast. It’s an incredible feeling, and it’d be even more incredible if I were there.

But I’m not.

Instead, I’m sitting in my little midwestern one-bedroom apartment, wishing I was on the coast. Vacations are nice, but I never want to come home. Coming back to “reality” and work after a few days off of work is hard enough, coming back after being somewhere you love is even worse. May seems to long ago, and I need a vacation and the ocean again.

I miss California quite terribly.

However, reality is here to stay for awhile. Classes start up the week after next and I’m going to be slammed. But I’m not going to overwhelm myself with work, especially since I’ll be interning. I’m going to make this semester worth it. I’m going to be focusing on classes and Alpha Chi a lot. I’m going to be the best darn intern I can be, and I’m going to work a few hours a week, just for some extra cash. Luckily, I have a check coming in that will cover most of this semester’s expenses (and then some), so I’m going to be able to focus on school and making the most out of my last semester in college. I’m very fortunate. Plus, I need to have time to keep working on this hot body…haha, right…maybe GETTING a hot body!

Today, I rode my bike to the gym, did half an hour of leg machines, did twenty minutes of abs/back exercise and then rode my bike home. Finished it off with a nice protein shake (protein, soy and coconut milk, flax, spinach, mushrooms, mixed berries and oats!!) and this quick blog. Then, I’m off to clean the apartment before I head into work for a few hours. I’m unsure if I like the new store or not yet. I like the girls, and the manager is super nice. But it isn’t my store, they aren’t my girls. And the one supervisor is going to get on my nerves. I think it will be okay though. Like my mom said, the last store didn’t start out as “my store” and they weren’t “my girls” until I really got in there and started working. I hope it becomes home-like soon. I hate uncomfortableness. But, it’s hours and money. And ultimately, new friends. Yeah, I think I’ll be okay.

I’m a pretty lucky girl, even if I’m not spending my Saturday afternoon on the beach.