I’m a Weirdo
You are too. Heck, we’re all a little weird in our own ways. Usually it’s just goofy stuff that gets you laughed at in good humor. Like that time at the soccer game when I asked someone to get me a walkie-talkie, but only if it was an even number or thirty-three. When they asked why, I told them I didn’t like odd numbers unless it was 3, 7, 33 or a multiple of 5. The guy asked me if I was kidding, and when it was clear to him that it wasn’t, he just kind of stared in disbelief and told me I was weird. Thanks, buddy, because I didn’t already know that!
Now, my strange even number habits may have a little something to do with the OCD I was diagnosed with as a child and it may seem completely explainable to me, but to others, it’s just weird.
And that’s okay. THAT is just one of the many things that makes me who I am.
But Sometimes Life is Weird
Being “weird” and having quirks is okay. It makes you who you are and it makes life interesting. But sometimes, life is just weird. Sometimes things happen out of our control and we have to choose how we respond. We can either laugh at those things or we can walk away with our head down, embarrassed and discouraged. But it’s up to us.
Life is weird, and not always in ways that you can explain.
Sometimes you just feel “off”. Today is one of those days. So was yesterday. I woke up and I just felt weird. It’s not something that I can always place my finger on and sometimes it really bothers me, affecting my mindset and my mood. But it’s something that I’m learning to work through.
Working through the weird is new to me, but only because I am feeling these off days more strongly than I ever have before. I am more aware of them, I am more in-tune with my body and my mind, I am more conscious of how I live every day. So I’m taking these weird days and using them for good. I am using them to grow, learning as much about myself on these days as I can.
The Way I Feel
Why did I feel off yesterday? I woke up still tired after staying up too late reading (it’s a bad habit, probably why I can only read books in spurts – once I start a good, I don’t put it down until it’s finished). It was rainy and I wasn’t at home. I puttered around waiting for Lauren to get home, ate some oatmeal and got dressed. After I left, I sat in front of a coffee shop for five minutes and debated if I wanted to go in or not. I opted to swing by Starbucks and work from home. I wash’t in the mood to haul my backpack in, decide on a drink and sit at a table by myself all day.
So I got home, read a little, did some work, met up with Jodi for a hug and quick catch-up, read some more, worked out (also judging by my lack of energy and my increase in hunger, I believe PMS to be a major part of feeling “off”) and saw a movie with my sister.
Was I as productive as I should have been? Probably not. But I’m learning not to beat myself up over these days, because eventually, I won’t have days like these. Eventually, I’ll have a job that requires more than just a list of phone calls a week and I’ll be so busy that I’ll long for days of nothingness. So while I could (and often can) be depressed about where I am at in life, I remind myself that it is just a season and that when the next season comes, I may be longing for this one so I better enjoy it while it’s here. It’s all about living in the moment. Being ever present and in the Now. It’s still a very strange concept to me, but it’s crazy how effective it really is.