Peace and contentment, oh how nice to finally meet you.

I am never content. EVER. I have this feeling that I always need to be doing more, seeing more, being more. And I’ve never been able to just live in the moment that I’m in.

Until recently.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with a lot of emotional baggage left by some jerk and feelings of self-worthlessness thanks to a bit of weight gain after a few accidents. But I’m putting all of that behind me. I know who I am, I know what I stand for, and I know what I want. Well, I mostly know what I want…I kind of usually just wing it. But I have a good, general idea of what I’d like to do in the next few years, and that’s good enough for me.

I’m finally figuring a lot of things out. I’m finally finding peace of mind. I’m learning to have faith. I’m learning to trust in the Lord. I’m learning, my God, am I learning.

I couldn’t do it without my amazing support system. My parents are everything. My parents pay my school expenses, they help with bills I can’t make when I don’t get enough hours, Daddy takes care of all my car’s needs, Mom listens to me rant and ramble and rant some more. They are seriously amazing. And I honestly have no idea where I would be today if it weren’t for them.

I have a handful of friends that I can truly count on. And to someone who has lost so many people throughout life, it’s the most wonderful feeling. To have friends who know your strengths and your weaknesses. Friends who know when you need a hug or when you need to just be left alone. Friends who offer support and encouragement, but kick you in the butt when they think you need it. Friends who teach you patience and self-control. Friends who push you to be better, because they know you can do it. Friends who let you beat yourself up for a bit, then tell you to pull up your big girl panties and get on with life. These are my friends, and I couldn’t have ever asked for better ones.

I’ve been seeking the Lord more. I’ve been spending time each morning in devotions, reading His word and praying. I don’t want this to be another “phase” in my walk. Where I start devotions and going to church and then get busy and backslide out of it. Never again do I want to be of this world.

This is a time in my life where I’m content, and I’m happy. Nothing is going to take that away.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I don’t like you.

And the best part, is that I don’t have to.
I simply have to tolerate you.

He’ll be home soon enough, and he’ll see you for the person you really are.

Until then, I’ll let you think your rant had an effect on me.

But it didn’t.

I have never allowed anyone to tell me what kind of friendship I’m allowed to have with another person, and you can be assured that I’m not about to let it start now.

We have been friends for nearly two years, we have talked this way since the day I met him and we will continue to do so. If you can’t handle that, that isn’t my problem. I am not “loud in your face” about it, nor do I act like I am in a relationship with him. By telling me that you “don’t want to pick his friends”, all I hear is what a controlling bitch you are. I’m sorry that you “being happy makes him happy” …or at least I’m sorry that’s what you think.

Funny thing is, that line is a joke. Of course if another person is happy, you’re happier. But you’re looking at it from the wrong angle with all the wrong perspective. I know how much you bitch. He’s told me and I’ve seen it. So in other words, if you’re in bitch-mode, he’s miserable and if you’re happy, he’s happy. Well, I’m usually happy, too, if I’m not walking on eggshells worrying if I’m going to get bitched at for something piddly, like whether I’m confederate or union. Do you even know what era we’re in?

You’re a waste case, and I can’t wait until he takes action on what he has already realized.