October, finally.

October has been my favorite month since I was a freshman at MSU. I remember coming back to school on a sunny afternoon when the air was crisp and the wind was cool. As I stepped to the back of my car to grab my luggage, I remember looking around, noting how amazing it felt outside and realizing how much I loved October.

Come this October 10th, it will be two years since that terrible accident that changed a lot of my life. You would think that something like that, plus the fact that I’m not a huge fan of Halloween, might steal away my love for this month, but it hasn’t. I’m not sure why I love it so much, but I do. It’s just perfect.

Even today. Even when I’m exhausted from the wedding celebrations I attended this last weekend, even though I’ve been sitting in class and at my internship, and even if I have an essay due and two quizzes that need to be studied for by tomorrow. I’m still happy, I still am loving this first day October.

This weekend was amazing. At first, I was really unsure of going to the wedding – Taste of St Louis was this weekend, it was a lot of time in the car with my crazy family and it’s stressful to leave for a weekend during an insanely busy semester. But I am so incredibly glad that I did. We stayed in a cabin on the top of Mount Nebo, I ate so much food and drank soooo much beer, I met new friends, I saw my cousins that I hadn’t seen in years along with my aunt and uncle, and took two glorious hikes! Plus, I was able to spend the weekend with my amazing parents, sister and nieces. I couldn’t be happier about my decision to go, even if mom and I bickered a few times and I said that I should have stayed home.

The next month (well, ten weeks, actually) are going to be incredibly busy – yay for 18-credit hour semesters, internships, a job I barely get to work, family time, getting a campus organization off the ground and looking for a new place to live while trying to get into shape and get good grades! CRAZINESS, I’m telling ya. Therefore, I’m still going to be pretty vacant, but will try to keep this updated more often. But it’s all worth it and so close to being over! YAY!

Fall upon me quickly.

I may have to wait until closer to the end of the month to officially call this season Autumn, but today proves that fall is almost upon us. It’s quite and crisp and clear, and just overall wonderful. The birds are chirping and the wind is flowing through the leaves on the trees, plus the sun is shining. It’s perfect.

I just finished an online quiz, and for having the book in front of me, I did awful. The wording of questions really throws me off. I have never, ever been a good test taker. I can study for hours – reading the chapter, take notes, make flash cards for the vocabulary – and still get a C or D on them. I understand standardized testing to measure if the student is learning, but what if I’m not learning in that way? I would, and could, gladly write you an essay showing my understanding of standard deviation and coefficients of correlation. It would be much simpler and less frustrating, I promise. But alas, I cannot. So, I will fail these quizzes and thank God for assignments and reviews that keep my grade decent. I cannot explain the level of upset this causes.

Oh well.

I’m really looking forward to yoga class this morning. I think after that, I’ll clean my apartment, shower and do some more homework before heading down to the St. Louis Art Fair. I plan on spending a few hours down there, grabbing some groceries at Trader Joe’s and then watching movies with a friend. It should be a pretty good day. I’ve been needing one of those.

I’m going to try not to disappear.

But I’m already drowning under chapters to be read, terms to study and summaries to complete.

I’m liking most of my classes so far, it’s just that they all require so much work. I’m hoping to find a weekend to visit Sam in Springfield and fly out to Vegas with Liana, but things are looking slim. I’ve decided that I’m not going to obsess over working out. I’m going to do it when I can, I’m going to eat well, and I’m going to keep working on my weight loss goals, but I will not stress myself out if I only get 4 half-hour workouts in a week instead of 6 hour long ones. I will be proud of myself for accomplishing what I can while maintaining my GPA, learning at my internship, working on weekends, planning Alpha Chi events, going to church, seeing my family and keeping my apartment from looking like a tornado hit it.

 

We’ll see how that goes.

 

I really love blogging for fun though, so I’m going to try to continue with that.  However, I’ve already seen my Facebook and Twitter activity slow though, so this could be next. So, if you read my blog, try to bear with me as I trudge through my final semester as an undergrad!! xx

Saturdays by the sea.

If only I was sitting by the sea. Somewhere on the coast where there isn’t a care in the world. Feeling the breeze blushing my face and hearing the sound of seagulls in the distance is something I can close my eyes and sense, even when I’m nearly 2,000 miles away from the west coast. It’s an incredible feeling, and it’d be even more incredible if I were there.

But I’m not.

Instead, I’m sitting in my little midwestern one-bedroom apartment, wishing I was on the coast. Vacations are nice, but I never want to come home. Coming back to “reality” and work after a few days off of work is hard enough, coming back after being somewhere you love is even worse. May seems to long ago, and I need a vacation and the ocean again.

I miss California quite terribly.

However, reality is here to stay for awhile. Classes start up the week after next and I’m going to be slammed. But I’m not going to overwhelm myself with work, especially since I’ll be interning. I’m going to make this semester worth it. I’m going to be focusing on classes and Alpha Chi a lot. I’m going to be the best darn intern I can be, and I’m going to work a few hours a week, just for some extra cash. Luckily, I have a check coming in that will cover most of this semester’s expenses (and then some), so I’m going to be able to focus on school and making the most out of my last semester in college. I’m very fortunate. Plus, I need to have time to keep working on this hot body…haha, right…maybe GETTING a hot body!

Today, I rode my bike to the gym, did half an hour of leg machines, did twenty minutes of abs/back exercise and then rode my bike home. Finished it off with a nice protein shake (protein, soy and coconut milk, flax, spinach, mushrooms, mixed berries and oats!!) and this quick blog. Then, I’m off to clean the apartment before I head into work for a few hours. I’m unsure if I like the new store or not yet. I like the girls, and the manager is super nice. But it isn’t my store, they aren’t my girls. And the one supervisor is going to get on my nerves. I think it will be okay though. Like my mom said, the last store didn’t start out as “my store” and they weren’t “my girls” until I really got in there and started working. I hope it becomes home-like soon. I hate uncomfortableness. But, it’s hours and money. And ultimately, new friends. Yeah, I think I’ll be okay.

I’m a pretty lucky girl, even if I’m not spending my Saturday afternoon on the beach.

Oh hey August, how did you get here so quickly?

It’s August 4th already. The time is flying by and in just three short weeks, I will be on my way to finishing up my final undergrad semester. I’m ready for it. I’m ready for a distraction. I’m ready to be busy again.

Apparently the reason I haven’t worked in weeks is because they transferred me to the wrong store. Thanks Victoria’s Secret. While I needed a break, I need the money. I have a sum of maybe $15 in both bank accounts, bills that are due and a rent check out for $700 that the money hasn’t been deposited for yet. But you know what? I’m trusting God. And as hard as that is to say, as I have very little trust in anyone, I know that I can trust Him. I know He is there for me. I have been provided for time and time again.

I have food in my pantry and fridge, enough gas to get me around for a few days and the best support system a girl could ask for. Honestly, I’m doing pretty great compared to a lot of people.

After these last few weeks of being lazy and relaxed, but also working out and getting things accomplished, I am so ready to get back to work. VS should be able to give me enough hours this semester and so it will be worth keeping. Plus, I’m close enough to this store that it isn’t a big deal to work later hours. I’m worried about my classes, as I’ve heard some of them are really difficult and time consuming, especially having to intern for 15-20 hours a week on top of them and homework and work. But I know I can do it. I always have made it through and I will again.

I’ve yet to decide what I’m doing after graduation. I’ve yet to decide if I’m sticking around another year or high-tailing it out of state. I wish I had more plans and more stability in my life. Maybe someday, yeah? For right now, I’m going to have to continue having trust and faith that things will work out and come through. I’ve never been very good at either, but I’m working on it.

I’m such a worrier. My mother told me just last week that I was “too uptight”. I, of course, denied it. But she’s right. I’m so uptight. I worry about things that I can’t control and when they work themselves out, I’m not thankful enough. I have this guard up that no one can break through and I think that it keeps me safe from others seeing how I feel, or who I am. But it doesn’t. It doesn’t keep me hidden. It doesn’t protect my heart from hurt and pain and disappointment.

There are going to disappointments and hurt in this life, and I know that. But that’s life. And feeling that hurt? It just means you’re alive and human.

 

“Never be ashamed of the scars that life left you. A scar means the hurt’s over, the wound’s closed, you endured the pain and God healed you.” – @prvrbs31_woman

Philippians 4: 8-13

We Live in Public; an analysis.

WOW. There is not much more to be said about the video we just completed watching in class. The video caught me by complete and utter surprise. I had no idea that the internet revolution started in such a way. Obviously I have learned the basic ideas about the internet and the reasons behind how and why it was created, but in my past few years of studying Communications, I have never even heard of Josh Harris and his impact on the World Wide Web.
At the beginning of the film, I was not sure I was going to like Josh Harris based on the home video he had created for his mother that was first shown. Then, I really saw his brilliance. He is an incredibly intelligent man. By taking less than a thousand dollars and a risk, he soon became a self-made millionaire, one of the first in the internet realm. Not only did Josh foreshadow that his idea would take off in a huge way, but he also experimented to make his company even better. He spent the extra money that was being made to research and experiment with new ideas. He began chat rooms, figured out how to mix mediums and was able to stream videos live before live video streaming was even a thought in the mind of internet creators.
Josh believed that interactive TV was “of the future”, and he was right. He was “smart, crazy, and odd enough to say it in ‘99” as someone in the video put it. He began putting radio and TV on the internet before people were even there. He threw extravagant, insane parties to find ACTUAL talent and found individuals who truly believed in the “Dot Com” business to work for the Pseudo company.
I was incredibly impressed by Josh Harris. However, I was also extremely disturbed by the imagery in the video. I, even as a Communication major, do not spend a lot of time in front of a television or looking up videos online. I like to have face-to-face conversations with individuals, and as we saw in the video, life “online” can cause a tension in “real-life”. Also, things online can become all-too-real. For example, life in the pods was “all live, all the time”. There was no privacy and it soon created an extreme distress for many of the individuals psychologically.
My minor is in psychology, so I also find that spectrum of his study completely interesting. I enjoy seeing why individuals do what they do and how they react to circumstances around them. I personally found it intriguing and crazy that individuals would subject themselves to that invasion of privacy. However, I was in my early childhood in the 90’s and was raised in a very Christ-based home where sex and secular media weren’t viewed. It is an aspect I’m opening myself up to understand better and I find Josh Harris as a wonderful example as a tool for learning.
We have all heard that you should never assume. Why? “Because it makes an ASS out of U and ME”. However, Josh encourages viewers to take assumptions and race after them because you’ll reach the destination before everyone else. Josh Harris has been called one of the most unique characters of his time, and I would have to completely agree.