I am heartbroken.

This week has flown by and I’ve had very few chances to blog. And when I’ve had time, I’ve really had nothing to say. But today is different. Today, I have nothing left to say, but I’m going to say it anyway.

I lost a good friend last night. He was 22 years young and enjoying a game of softball with some friends when he had a seizure. I can’t even begin to explain how I’m feeling at the moment, except to say that I am completely heartbroken.

Matt was the kind of person who could always make you laugh. Whether it was something he said or his goofy personality, he knew how to lighten up a room and put a smile on everyone’s face. He was something. We went to high school together and became really good friends throughout junior and senior year. When we both went to MSU for college, we spent a lot of time hanging out with a great group of people and made memories that I will never forget. From standing in line to get tickets to a blackout game to waiting for pizza in the dining hall, we enjoyed our freshman year. I’ll never forget the night that we drove an hour to a casino, stuffed our faces, played some penny slots, then stopped at an “adult video store” and played padiddle the rest of the drive back to campus before the boys raced down the hallway with their pants around their ankles. I’ll never forget our first night in the dorms, when his girlfriend called me in a panic after his first seizure or racing up six floors of stairs to show the EMTs where to go and praying he would be okay. I won’t forget the summer he called me in tears because they had broken up, and how being in the middle caused a riff in my friendship with both of them. I won’t forget watching the boys play softball, or when he called to tell me another friend had lost his life at such a young age. I won’t forget high school, when we didn’t accomplish anything in classes. When the boys wore the most ridiculous outfits for Model UN or when we took a tour of SLU with Mrs. Thater’s class. I won’t forget watching the boys play football or dance like goons at homecomings and proms.

I won’t forget any of it.

I can’t keep my thoughts straight, so this may be as hard to read as it is to write, but I’m trying. When I got the text about Matt last night, I had no idea. I had been asleep when I heard my phone go off and when I heard the news, I lost it. I cried for two hours straight and woke up with my eyes still burning from tears. I have to work today, but I don’t see that going well. I know I can’t just sit and mourn the loss of such a great friend, especially since it’s much more suiting to celebrate his life instead.

He was an amazing guy, who’s impact on my life will never be forgotten. RIP, Mattycakes.