Rest, Recover, Repeat.

Summer 2015.

If you had told me that during my 25th summer of life I would be working for a professional soccer team, I would never have believed you. Besides a few years of dance and swim team, and a small attempt at basketball and volleyball freshman year before I had surgery on my ankle, I was never actively involved in sports, playing or otherwise. Unless, of course, you count the year my parents signed me up for K-5 soccer at the YMCA, which I don’t.

But I love it.

I struggle with selling tickets, but that’s because I’m not a creature made to push. I have to much empathy and I also fail to separate rejection on a professional and personal level. “Oh, you don’t want to talk to me about bringing your company out to a soccer game? I completely understand, you hate me. No, no, it’s okay, really….”

But the game days? The promotional events? That’s my thing, my niche. I can talk to people all day long. Need help finding your seat? Can’t see over the rain barricades? Want to know why the sky is blue? Sure, I can help you out. I love people (even though there are days where I claim not to) and I love talking (although, I do appreciate times of silence). I love the energy of the people, the fans, the crowds. It’s invigorating and no matter how tired I am from the week, I come alive as I feed off the positive energy from those around me.

So no, I would have never believed you had you told me this is what I would be doing this summer and I may not be doing it next summer, but for right now, I am enjoying every single minute of it. I am building friendships – with the staff, the interns, the players, the supporters – and I am loving it.

It’s amazing to see how much you can enjoy something when you’re passionate about it. I didn’t know much about soccer when I started the job and I still may not know much about sales, but I believe in my team and the boys on it. I believe in my city and the support that I have seen come together because of this league. I am putting 110% in because I know that I am learning and growing from every single thing that comes my way.

Sure, I am exhausted. I work a lot for little pay. Game days have me there from 10am until 10pm, and by the time I get home, I want nothing more than to drop into bed.

But that’s what the weekends (and away games) are for. To rest and recover, so we can repeat.

Sidetracked.

This wasn’t the blog post I was starting. I’m not even one-hundred-percent sure what I was going to write when I opened my Macbook, but this is what came of it – a derailed thought.

Dereailed. That word is surprisingly fitting for my life…

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Choosing Happy

Help me, I’m dead.

I wish I was kidding. After an all-nighter driving I-70, a week of adventuring in the Rockies, a full day driving home and then another I-70 excursion to KC for the US Open Cup match in one day, I am dead. Sure, I’ve slept in until 10 and 11 all week (who even am I?!), but that hasn’t brought me back up to speed.

Today was the first day since Sunday that I’ve woken up before the double-digits hit the clock and I must admit that it was a rough start. And that’s coming from someone who prefers to be up before the sun… This morning was a struggle, physically, mentally and emotionally. I don’t know what my deal is lately, but my depression has hit an all-time high. However, I will not let it drag me down. I am more determined than ever to overcome the obstacles that are presently in my way and I will be damned if something as pitiful as depression deters me from the goals I have.

I am no longer a victim to depression or to fear. I am learning exactly what I want and what I am capable of. It’s taken me 25 years to figure it out, and now that I have, I will not be controlled by the things that don’t have my best interests at heart. I have dreams and I have goals and I will not be stopped.

Some days you just have to choose…

Some days are harder than others. Some days, it rains and I’m tired and all I want to do is curl up into a ball under my covers and sleep all day. But I don’t, not usually, anyway. Those are the days that I know if I succumb to my depression, I lose. Those are the days where it is the hardest, but it matters the most. It matters that I get up, get dressed and get things done.

Today, I woke up and just needed a hug. When my mom walked in, I cried and cried. I could go on about why, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I dried my tears and made it to my meeting at work on time. I’ve spent the past few hours sitting at a coffee shop accomplishing things for work and enjoying a coffee with my scone and biscotti (okay, so I’m also an emotional eater…). I’ve been watching the rain come down on this dreary day in Saint Louis and dreaming about the mountains, recognizing how I feel in this moment and realizing what I need to do to get me where I need and want to be.

Today is one of those days where you just have to choose, and today I choose to be happy.