I Will Trust You.

Before D left for his mission trip on Sunday, he played Matt Hammitt’s All of Me while we were in the car heading to church. I’ve been listening to it over and over again, because I loved the song. Just a few minutes ago, I put on a Youtube playlist someone had made with his songs, and Trust came on.

The words filled my speakers just as I was requesting another deferment on my student loan.

Trusting Jesus is just what I am doing, and I believe He sends little reminders to us at exactly the right moments. That’s exactly what He did as I was once again fretting over something so worldly and petty as a massive student loan payment. He never fails to send me signs of His love and His presence, and I am so grateful for those little things.

And it’s also a reminder of one of my favorite passages:

Do Not Worry

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or stow away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. they do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you – you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’. For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34

Oh hey August, how did you get here so quickly?

It’s August 4th already. The time is flying by and in just three short weeks, I will be on my way to finishing up my final undergrad semester. I’m ready for it. I’m ready for a distraction. I’m ready to be busy again.

Apparently the reason I haven’t worked in weeks is because they transferred me to the wrong store. Thanks Victoria’s Secret. While I needed a break, I need the money. I have a sum of maybe $15 in both bank accounts, bills that are due and a rent check out for $700 that the money hasn’t been deposited for yet. But you know what? I’m trusting God. And as hard as that is to say, as I have very little trust in anyone, I know that I can trust Him. I know He is there for me. I have been provided for time and time again.

I have food in my pantry and fridge, enough gas to get me around for a few days and the best support system a girl could ask for. Honestly, I’m doing pretty great compared to a lot of people.

After these last few weeks of being lazy and relaxed, but also working out and getting things accomplished, I am so ready to get back to work. VS should be able to give me enough hours this semester and so it will be worth keeping. Plus, I’m close enough to this store that it isn’t a big deal to work later hours. I’m worried about my classes, as I’ve heard some of them are really difficult and time consuming, especially having to intern for 15-20 hours a week on top of them and homework and work. But I know I can do it. I always have made it through and I will again.

I’ve yet to decide what I’m doing after graduation. I’ve yet to decide if I’m sticking around another year or high-tailing it out of state. I wish I had more plans and more stability in my life. Maybe someday, yeah? For right now, I’m going to have to continue having trust and faith that things will work out and come through. I’ve never been very good at either, but I’m working on it.

I’m such a worrier. My mother told me just last week that I was “too uptight”. I, of course, denied it. But she’s right. I’m so uptight. I worry about things that I can’t control and when they work themselves out, I’m not thankful enough. I have this guard up that no one can break through and I think that it keeps me safe from others seeing how I feel, or who I am. But it doesn’t. It doesn’t keep me hidden. It doesn’t protect my heart from hurt and pain and disappointment.

There are going to disappointments and hurt in this life, and I know that. But that’s life. And feeling that hurt? It just means you’re alive and human.

 

“Never be ashamed of the scars that life left you. A scar means the hurt’s over, the wound’s closed, you endured the pain and God healed you.” – @prvrbs31_woman

Philippians 4: 8-13